Don't let a bowl of fish meal ruin ten years feelings, you should learn to emotion management

At the beginning of the course, we heard the story of a bowl of fish meal.
GUI jie street in Beijing one night, we ate a bowl of delicious fish meal in particular, we end all the words to describe the lingering taste, amway friend must go to have a taste. But when friends eat after, I'm sorry, evaluation of the bowl of fish meal is not high, and even feel a little bad.

We heard his best friend's feedback very disappointed, the mood instantly transformed from share of surprises can't gain the same feeling depressed. Friend's negative seem to indicate that their taste particularly badly, we regret, we blame themselves, afraid to friends so look down on yourself, thinking about much, if not disturbing altruism to eat, do not. It is also possible, we would be anger with the friend, I think to share good things to eat well, why don't you want to say good? Really could somehow, no taste.

In this story, everyone has a corresponding scope can plug in. Originally event just do you feel very good to eat a bowl of fish meal want to share, you can gradually fermentation, cause so much emotional responses. We make a mountain out of a molehill, go looking for trouble, unreasonable, and to death? Are we too self, not enough understanding, not respect for others?
But is a bowl of fish meal, two people with different growth environment, different upbringing may have very different response. So, two people is not equal to us, we are in close relationship, because can't symbiosis with each other and have strong disappointment, especially female friends, we always longed to deep with each other to share some intimate feelings, when the other party know or understand our feelings, we can get some kind of confirmation, become no longer so lonely.

When we were kids

In life, we often uncontrollable rage, and I don't know where the root lead is what moment light, into others mind bad temper of a word is not just exploded.
A bit of a psychological basis for one can know, these bad temper of the people in the process of growth of almost all have been varying degrees of trauma. Many people think, only parents divorced, the scale of the event is called trauma family died. But in fact it is not.
Li Yutan teacher's daughter just four years old, and on the nursery in Japan. Recently a period of time, the children go home chat demand increased obviously, followed by the mother often told mom, somebody stole her toy, like a teacher left the school, he liked a friend suddenly more love to play with others... A four-year-old child, unconsciously within a short period of time parents expressed feelings of frustration. Let us realize in the children's world, anything out, have been hit, wronged, was framed, violated and ignored feelings are likely to be in their heart trauma or frustration.
We used to say, the child what all don't understand, want to use the warm color and the most pure heart lead the growth of children. But if these happen every day in the trauma and setbacks can't through the processing and transformation of adult, the child is no way to digest. They can only suppress oneself, will be a mass of bad mood swallow, swallow into the unconscious and build up to the place where we feel.
This kind of treatment method of special like home suddenly have a guest come to visit, we had no time to tidy up, panic will dirty clothes and things like that between a head into the chest, behind closed doors, to create a space that no dirt. But locked up, represents not exist? If these dirty clothes were not cleared in time, ready to dry fold, the final end must be moldy stunk.
In the same way, if we grow up every day, all depend on oneself depressed, consuming emotional way to handle events, over time, a few years, more than ten years, for decades, what happens? Our subconscious crammed into too many too many invisible wounds temperament ", these cut hard also disorderly emotions will become our buttons, press to just can be anyone, in situ detonated.

A marriage lying in the bed of the six people
Park, a pair of single men and women in the dating, naked eye is both independent of each other, but behind the men and women, each is followed his father, mother, and a handful of each other's former boyfriend, a former girlfriends.
In the process of the growth in both men and women, always leave the shadow of the people who is very important for them. These people will directly affect their personality structure, thinking mode, behavior habit, world outlook and values, and the way the stress and inner needs. Simply put, these decisions we meet at what time, what things will be what kind of emotional response.
Is also a tube of toothpaste, wife every day to help Mr Squeezed them good, some, says Mr Wife gentleness considerate, care for people, while others will think wife is looked down on his ability to care for Mr: don't I was a kid? I will not start work? Are you abandon me even toothpaste tubes are all squeezed is bad? So the more think more grievance, more think more angry, then his wife had a temper. The temper of Mr Is really have any questions on the wife, do not love her? Is actually not, Mrs. Unconscious behavior aroused Mr. Traumatic experience.
Bad if we are in a relationship management of their own emotions, I think we can try to stop and attack his first. This is a involves the growth of everyone since the childhood trauma if there is any chance to be fully see, processing, transformation, it is not only caused by the interaction between your partner and you, it is also a family problem in the system, even a family of parents, grandparents, maternal grandparents and great-grandparents trauma between generations.
Throughout his life, we are looking for a relationship. And their relations, and partner relationships, and the relationship between the parents, and children, the relationship between friends and relations, relations with others and the world. Through our relationship, to support oneself, complete self-knowledge and confirmation, eventually feelings of self-worth.

Why did he feel my pain
Psychological counseling center, deputy director of Peking University, kai-wen xu teacher puts forward the concept of a very valuable, that is the existence of the hollow disease. Studies show that many people do not depression, they just do not feel his own emotions and the meaning of life, every day is very empty.
These people has a hollow signs of disease, caused by the false self tend to be too large. They didn't have a chance to at an early age according to their real needs and desires of life, so that grow in the eyes of others, of course, mainly is the appearance of parents' eyes. So, if we encountered in the process of growing up some severe trauma, if our feelings are always ignored by their parents, deny, or even been accused, then we'll get used to suppress, tend to hide their feelings. Especially some childhood foster care to the old man, "left-behind children" parents long absence, they experience the "abandoned" feelings for a long time, so that the adult subconscious still feel "I'll be abandoned", "I have no value", "parents are unable to deliver on the promises of guard me". So they are in close relations are very prone to anxiety, insecure, wherever they worry that they will be abandoned "again".
Much depressed, slowly, we become numb, or in a little bit there is not such a good feeling, will choose to use alcohol, cigarettes and even drugs to help them to complete this process of self paralysis. Common way of self paralysis are immersed in the music of sadness, or go to sleep, or use the blade in my body, let the pain of the body over the mind of pain and so on. In general is how feel the mood how to, because feel these emotions, without appropriate treatment is so pain, and in order not to bear the pain, in the long run, to form the emotional isolation way of defense.

Such people feel oneself, can't accept yourself, nature also cannot accept others' feelings. So when they met each other in the feeling, the first reaction is denial, or attempt to interfere.
"It's not a big deal."
"Nothing."
"You think too much."
"You go to sleep."
"Why don't you still drink hot water."
"You also have the responsibility, also can't completely blame somebody else."
These words passed to the feelings of people is even worse after talk: each time we seek to understand, are lost each other over a very rough "comfort" back again and again, even decades of deep feeling, also will be repelled by emotional violence, who promises you a lifetime friend, lover, or even the relatives of blood is thicker than water, in the presence of this kind of emotional violence inner collapse.
These feelings, was abruptly down mood, we may become a migraine, become chronic gastritis, into a muscle pain, menoxenia, even into body symptom such as tumor.
In addition to these physical symptoms, more should not be ignored and thus produce psychological symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and even always love do not love their own people, always like cheating philandering so-called emotional man, always maltreated, keen on a one night stand, like to do a third party, always like to play with sex workers, love addiction, sex addiction, alcoholism, even drug addiction... These addiction belongs to express their feelings and needs instead of real symptoms, we come and go but also leave a person, is the object of these symptoms.

So, when we are in any kind of mood, depression, anxiety, worry, worry, sad, injustice, but was disappointed, they don't have to rush out them and negation, isolated, and even depression. Try to tell myself, integrate and optimize the structure of their own personal opportunity finally came.